1、姐从来不抄袭，但没说不复制。

Sister never copied, but did not say not copy.

2、种草不让人去躺，不如改种仙人掌！

It's better to plant cactus instead of letting people lie down.

3、哪里跌倒，哪里爬起。老是在那里跌倒，我怀疑那里有个坑！

Where to fall, where to climb. I always fall there. I suspect there's a pit there!

4、我心眼儿有些小，但是不缺；我脾气很好，但不是没有！

I have a small mind, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not none!

5、瞧你这长相，不用化妆就能去演**片了。

Look at your appearance. You can make horror movies without makeup.

6、你还是让我跪搓板吧，跪电暖气是在受不了啊。

You'd better let me kneel on the rubbing board. The kneeling heating can't stand it.

7、老子不打你，你就不知道我文武双全。

If Lao Zi does not hit you, you will not know that I am both civil and military.

8、天上不会掉馅饼，因为我们不相信。

There will be no pie in the sky, because we don't believe it.

9、人和猪的区别就是：猪一直是猪，而人有时却不是人！

The difference between humans and pigs is that pigs are always pigs, but sometimes people are not human beings.

10、傻与不傻，要看你会不会装傻。

Whether you are silly or not depends on whether you act silly or not.

11、人又不聪明，还学人家秃顶！

People are not smart, they are bald!

12、人家减肥减腰减**，为什么你非要从脑细胞开始。

Why do you have to start with brain cells when people lose weight, waist and buttocks?

13、再丑的人也能结婚、再美的人也有单身。

The ugliest man can marry and the most beautiful man can be single.

14、别打开礼物的缎带，最初充满期待，最后都腐败。

Don't open the ribbons of gifts. They are full of expectations at first and corrupt at last.

15、路漫漫其修远兮，不如我们去打的。

It's a long way to go, so it's better for us to take a taxi.

16、早上刚一起床，就有一股睡午觉的冲动。

As soon as I get up in the morning, I have an impulse to take a nap.

17、没用的东西，再便宜也不买；不爱的人，再寂寞也不依赖。

Useless things, no cheaper to buy; people who do not love, no longer lonely and dependent.

18、拍脑袋决策，拍胸脯保证，拍**走人。

Pat your head, pat your chest, pat your butt and walk away.

19、如果这都不算爱，那我宁愿卖白菜。

If this is not love, then I would rather sell cabbage.

20、人家有的是背景，而我有的只是背影。

People have backgrounds, and I have only backgrounds.

21、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。

Night gives me a pair of black eyes, but I use it to turn my eyes white.

22、你太矮了！借你望远镜吧，再看清楚点，我不帅吗？

You are too short! Lend your telescope and see clearly. Am I not handsome?

23、您复杂的五官，掩饰不了您朴素的智商。

Your complex features can't hide your simple IQ.

24、我要做个下载软件，名字叫掩耳。因为迅雷不及掩耳。

I'm going to make a download software, its name is Hidden Ear. Because the thunder is too fast to cover up.

25、将薪比薪想一下，算了，不想活了。

Think about the salary ratio. Forget it. I don't want to live.

26、每次临时抱佛脚的时候，佛总是给我一脚。

Every time I hold Buddha's feet temporarily, Buddha always gives me a foot.

27、男人的实力，就是你兜里的人民币。

The strength of a man is the RMB in your pocket.

28、泼出去的水，老子连盆子都不要了。

Lao Tzu didn't even need the pot when the water spilled out.

29、我说这位壮士，你在我伤口上撒完盐，就别再尝尝咸淡了吧。

I said to this warrior, if you spill salt on my wound, don't taste salty again.

30、把你家的地址说出来，我要把它改成公共厕所。

Give me your address and I'll change it into a public toilet.

31、吃什么鱿鱼丝、墨鱼丝的，给我上点美人鱼丝。

What squid and cuttlefish to eat? Give me some Mermaid shredded.

32、千万别混日子，当心日子把你给混了。

Don't muddle through your life. Be careful that you are muddled by it.

33、竟然有人我涂了蓝眼影，那简直是在侮辱我得黑眼圈！

I even painted blue eye shadow, which is insulting me to get dark circles.

34、我是你的风筝，线在你手上，可陪伴我的只有风。

I am your kite, the thread is in your hand, but only the wind can accompany me.

35、失败是成功她后妈，看见孩子老失败也不帮她！

Failure is success. Her stepmother doesn't help her when she sees her child failing.

36、走自己的路，让别人打车去吧！

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

37、抽，是一种生活艺术；找抽，是一种生活态度。

Smoking is a kind of art of life; looking for smoking is a kind of attitude towards life.

38、晚上想想千条路，早上起来走原路。

Think of a thousand roads in the evening and get up in the morning and walk the same way.

39、如果我死了，我的第一句话是：终于不用怕鬼了。

If I die, my first sentence is: Finally, don't be afraid of ghosts.

40、照相是要抢时机的，刻意的永远不会好。

Photography is to seize the opportunity, deliberately will never be good.

41、人生就像卫生纸，没事的时候，尽量少扯！

Life is like toilet paper. When it's OK, talk as little as possible!

42、上帝说要有光，我说我反对，于是，世界上有了黑暗。

God said there should be light, I said I opposed, so there is darkness in the world.

43、你就是我心中的那首忐忑，总是让我惊心动魄。

You're the one in my heart that always thrills me.

44、如果回帖是一种美德，那我早就成为圣人了。

If the reply was a virtue, I would have been a saint.

45、先别鄙视我，给你个号码牌，先排队，到你的时候再鄙视。

Don't despise me first. Give you a number plate. Line up first. Then despise me when you arrive.

46、喝白酒一斤，我绝对没感觉，因为喝半斤就已经喝死了。

Drinking a kilo of liquor, I absolutely do not feel, because half a kilo has been drunk to death.

47、作为一个吃货，吃东西并不代表我饿了，只是因为嘴巴寂寞了。

As a food, eating doesn't mean I'm hungry, just because my mouth is lonely.

48、有一种爱叫放手，手放开后，请你快走。

There is a kind of love called let go, let go, please go quickly.

49、别惹我，否则我会让你死得很有节奏感。

Don't mess with me, or I'll let you die rhythmically.

50、人人都说我丑，其实我只是美得不明显。

Everyone says I'm ugly, but I'm just not so beautiful.

51、众里寻他千百度，没病你就走两步。

Look for him in the crowd, you can take two steps if you are not sick.

52、不想叛师的徒弟，都是不成才的徒弟。

The disciples who do not want to betray their teachers are all unsuccessful disciples.

53、就你这个样子，这个年龄，已经跌破发行价了。

In your case, at this age, the issue price has fallen below.

54、扔硬币，正面就去上网，反面就是睡觉，立起来就去写作业。

Throw a coin, go online on the front, sleep on the contrary, and do your homework when you stand up.

55、别再逼我，再逼，我就在地上划个圈圈咒诅你被丑女强吻！

Stop pushing me, push me again, I will draw a circle on the ground and curse you for being forced to kiss by the ugly girl!

56、穷耐克，富阿迪，流氓一身阿玛尼。

Poor Nike, Fuadi, a hooligan Armani.

57、烧香的不一定是和尚，还可能是熊猫！

Burning incense is not necessarily a monk, but also a panda!

58、说了晚安去睡的人、往往半小时以后还在得瑟。

People who say good night to sleep often stay in Desser half an hour later.

59、没有女人的日子里，我以调戏男人为乐。

In the days without women, I enjoy playing tricks on men.

60、从天堂到地狱，哥只是路过人间。

From heaven to hell, brother just passes through the world.